Thursday May 31st 2012
Jacobi still won't nurse....it's been over 24 hours
I give him another bottle of my milk....I don't know what else to do.
I pump in Jacobi's room in the quiet while my husband watches the other children.
Every time I end a pumping session,all I can think is "Please let this be the last time I have to pump."
I offer to nurse before anything-before he eats a sandwich or fruit,before he has anything to drink....and of course before I pump.
Same reaction of twisting his little body away from me and whining.
After unsuccessfully trying to nurse Jacobi before his nap,I am getting anxious.
I look up the La Leche League in my area and call one of the numbers.
The woman I talk to is very friendly and offers several options.....she's not like some of the lactation consultants I've dealt with in the past.
She believes in me and doesn't give me the 'guilt-free pass' to quit trying.....of course I also make it very clear that I am willing to do anything in order to help Jacobi through this.
I have pumped again and Jacobi woke up from his nap.
He still wants nothing to do with nursing......I am devastated,but I try very hard to not show it.
I start wondering how some women exclusively pump AND stay home with their babies.
I know I'm doing what's best for Jacobi and I.....but trying to pump at least every 3 hours and trying to get him to nurse-along with taking care of my other children (one of whom is sick) seems impossible.
I keep telling myself that something will give and Jacobi will start wanting our special time together again........
I wear Jacobi around in the Moby wrap with no shirts on either of us,hoping that the skin-to-skin might help.
I decided to give Jacobi water before bed since he had just ate dinner....he did OK.
I feel like nothing I'm doing is the right thing.
Will the bottle replace me?
Will he stop enjoying the taste of my milk?
I have tried so many things and nothing is working.
Jacobi wakes up a little fussy....I try to cuddle him,but he doesn't want me.
I give him a bottle of my milk and open my shirt so he is right at my breast.
Once,while he is at the bottle,he turns his mouth towards me....and then at the last moment turns away.
It seemed he was wanting to nurse,but something stopped him.
My body reacted and milk started flowing......but he wouldn't nurse.
I have pumped every two hours.
I'm exhausted......trying to keep up the housework,bake bread and take care of a sick 3 yr old is burning me out-and trying to keep up with pumping is stressing me out.
Maybe I shouldn't pump so much?
Or should I pump more?
Should I only give Jacobi my milk-or is water OK?
Jacobi wakes up-and of course he turns away from the breast and fusses.
I warm him up a bottle of my milk......I don't know what else to do.
My hubby gets home and sees that I'm up......he knows that this whole process is a battle for me.
I'm emotional.I'm anxious,stressed,frustrated,sad and scared.
He tells me "If he still hasn't nursed by morning,well get him in to the doctor to rule out any medical problem that's keeping him from nursing."
My mommy instincts tell me it's not an ear infection....but maybe there's something else going on.
I get Jacobi to bed and I take my breast pump in my room,exhausted and promising myself that if I wake up in the middle of the night I.WILL.PUMP
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