It's been a rough day.
I've had a battle going on in my brain since 6am.
Why should I pretend to be happy all the time....I just can't force myself to tell everyone that I am 'blessed' to have a child with autism....blessed to have my child,yes!
But lately,I feel like the walls are closing in again.
Some parents of children with autism might be able to blog about how autism brought them together,or how the new therapies are working well.
Maybe they're in denial that autism affects their family......
I feel like I'm alone.
I feel like day in and day out this is my life.....I want to cry.I want to scream.
I want to get rid of the knot in my stomach.
I am tired of the traumatic moments in my day.
I shudder thinking about him screaming at me.......
I see him influencing his younger brothers behavior.
What can I make it do to STOP.
I wouldn't be human if I said our life is perfect with autism.
I have searched for help for nearly 6 years!
I have had more than 13 different prescriptions placed in my hands.
2 different psychiatrists.
3 social workers.
Upwards of nine 'potential' diagnosis' everything from ADHD to bipolar disorder.
And yet NOBODY will say it.
Nobody will help me.
Because he's high functioning,it just appears that it's ME.
AND I AM TIRED OF THAT.......I am SOooo tired.
It's wearing on me.
My days are blending into the same fight everyday to keep it together.
Today was one of those days...I felt weak.I felt sad.
One thing after another......
And then the ice cube fell on the floor.
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